Ricky Speaks

Ricky Williams called in to Dan Patrick's pretty boring radio show this morning for a chat. They discussed his future with the Miami Dolphins, weed, and The Hobbit.

If you're not a Miami Dolphins fan, or aren't at least pulling for the guy, there is little here for you except for some larfs.

OK, Just the highlights, ma'am:

DP: Would you trust Ricky Williams?

RW: [pauses, intake of breath] Ummmm? Yknow, I would take an interest in him? And I would really try to be there for him. Um. And I think by doing that that's where trust is built. I mean I think for . . . if I'm a head coach or a VP or someone in the front office a-and I really wanna win, yknow, I look at Ricky and I say, well this guy's a good football player, um, am I willing to invest the time and energy into making sure that he feels good about being here. Or am I not?

Ricky Williams is strangely willing to answer a question in the third person. Doesn't Mariah Carey do that?

DP: Explain to me, when you get those urges, if you talk to somebody who's trying to quit smoking cigarettes, they'll go to a bar and they can all of a sudden have a drink and then they have to have a cigarette. What situation gets you into that . . . feeling, where, this is where I normally got high?

RW: Well usually, it's, it's a, for me it's a matter of curiosity, yknow. I think I'm a very curious person a-and I like to explore, like, hidden depths in things that are unknown. And whenever, yknow, there's something to explore, and I really, yknow, want to get deeper into it, whether it's a conversation, whether it's a book, yknow, that's where I feel tempted to smoke because it helps me to go deeper into things.

Hidden depths, like . . . The Darkest Depths of Mordor???

DP: So if you're reading a book. Let's say you're reading The Hobbit-

RW: Um-

DP: -or whatever it might be that you find is worth . . . is that a book that you would dive into and say, O.K-

RW: (laughing) No,

DP: -I'm gonna get high and read that?

RW: No, it's usually more things, yknow, more philosophical books, that are usually Scripture? Um. Not usually, I don't usually mess with fiction.

Stay off the fiction, kids. That shit will fuck you up.

DP: Wait, you would get high reading the Bible?

RW: Yes . . . yes.

Welp, that does it for me. Is there anybody left out there who isn't totally on board with this dude?

Go screw off into the sunset

Somewhere, Aaron Rodgers is waking up with a weird sinking feeling in his guts. In football (this means "important") news today, Jay Glazer is Jay Glazer, and Fox Sports is still Fox Sports. But I guess Brett Favre is finally acting like the old man he is and getting out.